New position at the airlines

I think I’ve got this software thing all wrong. Sure there’s good money to be made doing it. Sure there are a lot of challenges associated with writing the software, designing complicated systems and deploying them in odd configurations. But is there something better out there?

It’s my firm belief that there is an unadvertised position in the airline industry of ‘Bag Kicker’. For all two of you who actually know what a bale kicker is, let me set the record straight and inform you that this isn’t a machine or a person who tosses your bags up into the plane.

No, the ‘Bag Kicker’ is a highly trained and certified individual whose sole task is to kick your bag. And if it has a destination sticker on it, he’s free to open it up, analyze the contents to determine where a well placed kick would do the most damage, and then do so. Do all of our bags have destination stickers? Hmmm. That’s suspicious if you ask me.

Anywho, during my last trip, the ‘Bag Kicker’ determined that my bag needed two solid kicks. One on one of the two main zippers, and one square in the center of the front. The quasi-metal zipper handle itself broke so there’s nothing there to actually grab onto anymore to move the zipper. As for the kick to the gut of my bag, let’s just say that the plastic bottle of Scope that I was carrying barfed all over my clothes. Wonderful, eh?

Today, I flew to another one of my clients and the Bag Kicker struck again. This time, the larger of the two pouches on the front of my bag was ripped open. Literally, it was ripped open. The zipper stayed put, but the pouch ripped away from the lining of the bag itself. The zipper on the pouch still opens and closes, but nothing really stays inside.

Maybe if this whole software thing doesn’t work out I’ll apply to be a ‘Bag Kicker’ at TF Green in Providence or at Logan in Boston.

Oh, and to top it all off, the car rental agency smacked me with a 25% surcharge. Apparently 10% goes to the state, the other 15% goes to the airport. And they double charged me for both the daily airport fee and for some ridiculous ‘concession recovery fee’… and then they taxed those as well.

*sigh* I knew I shouldn’t have left the house this morning.